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Finding Comfort After the Death of Loved Ones

Feb 17, 2008


I came upon your website when after years of my parents’ rejection, I finally searched outside of my own inner circle, and what you wrote to a woman who shared the same cry of my own heart, of why a parent would reject their child, brought more comfort to my heart  and brought me closer to the truth of the answer I thought would not be answered until I reached the other side and looked my Heavenly Father in the eyes.

I do not expect you to have the ultimate answer, and to say Aha, finally this woman has found the man that holds the key to her questions, for I do believe it is only God that holds that key, but by writing this I am praying that maybe you can offer me some type of hope or comfort as my heart is once again crushed, wondering again why?

Peter, why would someone murder someone else, like my sister? Why would a  father take his own life in front of his three children and his wife,  hang himself, and leave them with an aftermath that I am still paying for, through blame, rejection, hurting children, financial chaos? Why would I lose my best friend, my uncle, to cancer, when I prayed and prayed God would spare him? Didn’t God know how much I needed him? Why would this Christmas, five days before, when I prayed and prayed for my daughter who was pregnant, and I hoped for my first grandchild to be a girl, why did my daughter have to lose her baby, Avalon Katherine, named after my sister who was murdered, at twenty weeks pregnant?

I am not mad at God, I learned that only prolongs the grief... I have heard about Karma, I have heard about family curses being passed down from generation to generation. I have read a library of books, I have gone to many churches’ open doors, I have gone to many recovering doors, now tonight I am going to this World Community Press, asking you Peter, why do you think so?

Maybe these questions will never be answered, but if you could see my eyes and feel my heart now, you will [see] that my eyes are brighter, my heart feels lighter, that I was able to share it with someone, who may not know why, but maybe like me, who too believes, that all things work out for good, for those who love God, and maybe, just maybe, he will be able to say a comforting word or two, that will keep me walking on one more day.

Thank you and may you have a blessed New Year, full of God’s love, hope, peace, joy, abundance, and trust. For I do know if I do keep trusting, love will find a way. For love is stronger than death.


Dear Cynthia:

When one has suffered so much loss, as you have, it must be difficult to feel that anyone understands you, unless they have suffered as much as you have. I lost both of my parents, many years ago, but you may not feel that anyone can truly comfort you except God. I am honored that you asked me, and I appreciate your kind words.

As you said, love is stronger than death. I have become convinced that the wall that currently exists between the physical world and the spiritual world was not originally supposed to be there. I believe that one day, as humankind advances, the wall will come down, so that it will be a simple matter to see and speak with loved ones who have passed on. How comforting it would be, to those who grieve, to see their loved ones, in their new and younger spiritual bodies, just seconds after they passed on!

This is not fantasy. There are thousands of people who have already experienced “afterlife encounters”, where they saw or heard or felt their loved one’s presence. I am reading a wonderful book called Afterlife Encounters, by Dianne Arcangel, with a forward by Gary Schwartz, Ph.D., published by Hampton Roads Publishing. It is both a very scholarly book and a very readable book of testimonies, many of which are very moving.

Certainly a major question is why a loved one dies. Is it karma, or payment for accumulated sin in one’s lineage or group, or is it sometimes the unfortunate result of the weight of a world that has been out of kilter and separated from God? When a soldier dies in war, defending one’s country, it makes more sense. But the loss and separation from those we love is still unendurable.

I can only say that I have found comfort in the knowledge that our loved ones don’t die, but simply transfer to the spiritual world, where in many cases they are happier and better off than they were in the physical world (except for the pain of their separation from those left behind). Yet, many of them can see and visit us far more easily than we can see them. Those who are left behind suffer the most, because of the unfortunate wall blocking our access to the spiritual world. That wall creates doubt in our minds about their continued existence, as well as the pain of not having contact with our loved ones.

I believe that God wants to break that wall down as soon as possible. I believe that it’s breaking down more and more, every year. One day, we will be able to make a place at our dinner tables, for our relatives and friends in the spirit world, who will promptly arrive at 6 p.m., and tell us of their adventures that day. I am convinced that we will also be able to freely travel into the spirit world and eat a meal at their house, perhaps through conscious out of body experiences while we sleep at night. I believe this is true because humans have both a physical body and a spiritual body. The spiritual body (with our mind, heart and personality -- the real us) continues forever.

All of these ideas are based on the many testimonies and books that I’ve read about these things, combined with my own reflection and belief that it all fits together, based on the view that God is indeed a God of love. Why would God want His children on the earth to be separated from those who pass on? The evidence is mounting that He has created the means for communication and travel between the physical and spiritual worlds. If we could hug and kiss those who have passed on, and talk with them frequently, would our grief not be assuaged? I believe that it would. This is my comfort, and my hope, and I hope that it can be yours as well. I believe that comprehensive communication with the spirit world will change the physical world, and our culture, in unimaginable ways. Indeed, love is stronger than death!

Finally, I would recommend with all my heart that you find the time to sit quietly and listen to beautiful music, such as Andrea Bocelli’s rendition of Ave Maria, on his CD Andrea Bocelli - Sacred Arias / Myung-Whun Chung. As I write this, I am listening to a Jewish Cantor named Shirona sing her beautiful version of the ancient Jewish prayer “Ana B’Koach”. I wrote about it here. Beautiful music can heal our heart like nothing else. May God bless you and keep you!

Peter Falkenberg Brown is passionate about writing, publishing, public speaking and film. He hopes that someday he can live up to one of his favorite mottos: “Expressing God’s kind and compassionate love in all directions, every second of every day, creates an infinitely expanding sphere of heart.”

~ Deus est auctor amoris et decoris. ~

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Peter Falkenberg Brown
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